Month: November 2020

Title is a The Faint song. Just felt right.

Many people have asked me through out my life where I’ve gone. Why did I just leave? There’s a few reason but I will be going over why I vanish online from time to time.

Many do not know this but I’ve been doxed quite a few time on the internet. “Doxed” means to have your information leaked online. Usually this is an intimidation tactic. Many people do not think having your name and city out there is a big deal but you would be surprised with what information you can dig up on someone with just their name and even county. I’ll make a post on that later as I used to do that professionally for flood determinations. Again, later date.

Why was I doxed? I got too cocky, jealousy, lulz, to silence me, because I was the wrong political affiliation. Many reasons. Due to repeated doxings at a young age there is actually a good time frame on the internet where every website I signed up to had a unique email address, user name, and password. I signed up for tons of sites under various names with newly created emails from all providers. Gmail the least because they started to limit new accounts the most. There are still websites I can go to and have not a fucking clue what my username or email was.

Now the few stories that stand out:
The first time I was doxed I was about 10 years old. Maybe 9. Some guy thought it would be funny to dox me because I was a mouthy asshole on these forums. Yeah that caused me to delete my account, swap user names on everything, and even ditch some internet friends for fear of how the fuck he got my info. Now, when this guy doxed me he knew I was 10. He still did it. He then kept attacking me. He even signed my home address up to a lot of spam. This guy I later found out was in his mid 20s. Like, he followed me across websites. He would try to get people to go to my home. A few people joined him in harassing me but ultimately I just went dark. Before swapping usernames on everything I just went dark. He got bored finally and left us alone. We also luckily moved, not due to him, during my time going dark. Which is why I went dark actually.

This event taught me no matter what your info will get out. Friends will leak your shit. Also no matter what your crime is people will punish you infinitely harder then what you deserve. Was I an asshole on the forum? Yes. Did he drive me off? Yes. Is that an acceptable level of punishment? Yes. Community was happier with me gone. However, publishing my info was not needed. Especially when I was 10. Dude was in his mid 20s. People online do not stop at online damage. Remember this. They have never stopped.

Next time I was doxed I was 14 or 13. Here I was doxed for being a left wing nut job, or libtard as the common phrase is. Which is funny because my left wing views didn’t come into life until much later. I just said let people fuck who they want to fuck as long as they are legal. This caused some right wing wacko who I have no info on to dig up all my info. Dude got it all. Then not content with just harassing me he dug up shit on my family. He would call my sister taunting her. Bringing up some super traumatic stuff that happened in her past. The dude did not relent. He called a lot at all times of the day and sometimes night. How my older brother never got involve I have no clue. The dude kept fucking digging into my family. With 0 demands. Just to show me whats what for believing it’s okay to be gay. He managed to get someone to actually knock on our door. I answered it and told the person to fuck off after he brought up that gays don’t deserve rights. I then called the police because I was scared. I actually have no idea why this guy stopped but he did.

What I learned from this is that some people take religion and politics way too fucking serious. See why I don’t talk about it too much on here. This is still the worst experience I have ever hard with doxing and that is counting the time people tried to get me fired from my job.

Next we have the time I was doxed for being a right wing whack job. Noticing a pattern already? This time I was doxed for saying that communism can’t work because people are inherently selfish and that affirmative action is a crutch that does nothing but hamper businesses in the current world and tells black people they aren’t good enough to be hired on their own without daddy government. – Yes, this is a very right wing ideal. I know.

This dox led to people trying to get me fired. The funny thing is the job they were trying to get me fired from was my own on the go tech repair I started at 16. I would repair people’s computers or teach them to download porn for money. Fuck it, I had games to buy. This basically amounted to nothing but it showed me the vast difference of right vs left doxers. Right side fucks with you and your family until you all break. Left wing just tries to get you fired so you starve. Both are fucking awful but the left wing one can easily be dealt with if you are on good terms with your manager/hr, or own your own business. Second time jobstuff happened was when I worked at Domino’s. My mom’s BF was the manager. They weren’t getting me fired especially because all phone calls are recorded and logged under our IDs. So, HR could prove they were lying.

Finally the last doxing I will talk about is my favorite. Here I was doxed for standing up for a friend who later turned on me because… actually no idea why. He thought doxing wasn’t a big deal then I showed him what you can get with the info and I told him how to fix it. However, to buy my friend time I agitated and went after his doxer to be a bigger target. My friend did what he needed in time. At this point I just changed my Facebook display name and let the guy fail to work. So, he was able to get my name. Big whoop. The dumb ass did what I thought he was going to do and was surprised to find out there was 0 info on me. This is because officially in my old city I was homeless. My information was not on record. In fact, there was no info of me living there for a few months. The guy became obsessed with me and eventually gave up as we used his YouTube channel against him. shit was funny.

What this proved is being homeless rules when it comes to doxing. Also that when someone is attempting a dox to you and you can use their YouTube channel to dox them back, privately I might add (kept the info), and use their YouTube channel to show them breaking the law and stalking children to their homes (not a lie) over a guy not giving you the stop sign. Funny part about that is someone else had the scene on video and showed the jack ass trying to dox me was in the wrong. I love when the internet comes together. sometimes. This also showed the mentality of doxers. They are power trippers trying to right some wrong even though they are usually wrong. This guy was insane and someone later reported him. Dude has been awfully quiet since the police came a knocking.

So what does this have to do with me going dark? Well, after numerous doxings I just get tired of it. When I get too popular or too much attention (positive or negative) I bail. I just leave. I do not want the headaches anymore.

I’ll also bounce when I feel like I am no longer needed or wanted. I tend to annoy people. I end welcomes quick. I know. So, I’ll leave. Between not wanting to make someone feel worse and not wanting to get popular enough for a target again I’ll just bounce. Even here. My last post before my “Just not Today” one hit over 1k. I’ve been getting some high hitting posts now. I panicked. However, here I am. Now, I am trying.

Posting from phone

I hate holidays. Loathe them. One of the main reasons i took my current job is because they said i wouldn’t have to celebrate them in my interview. That matters a lot to me. Every job forces me to and tries to goad, guilt trip, bribe, and even once threaten me to celebrate them. Please stop.

I will not go into why i hate them. I have talked to many people. I have talked to professionals over it. There is no helping this. To get help you have to be able to see the light. There is no light, only chilling darkness. Trying to show me the light only reminds me that, for me, there will never be light. I feel cold. Next to a heater in my jacket. I’m cold. Not because it is cold but because of how cold the darkness is.

I don’t matter the rest of the year. Please let me not matter this season. These days especially. Y’all don’t want me around until you feel obligated to by a day. A day that will always bring pain and suffering.

Not to be. That is what i wish. Every holiday i just want to be alone. Imaging what it’s like to be dead. The nothing the void. To not feel. To not desire. To not wish. Then how happy everyone will be.

Just not today. Every day I’m ignored. Its fine. I serve no purpose. I know i don’t matter. On the day i want to not matter please let me. It’s cold where I’m at. Not physically cold and yet I’m physically freezing. This passes. Once the holidays are over. Then I can go back to not mattering without a question.

Please, let me sit in the cold. You grow numb until heat comes.

I know I’m the bad guy. I know where i belong.