I gotta address something before I start this post. Last time I said you would be surprised about my next article because I considered it risky but not risky enough to where I couldn’t publish it. Well, it turns out I ran my mouth a bit too early. Had I published that article, which made it to about 2000 words and counting, before I decided to look into the potential legality of it, I could’ve violated speech laws in Texas. My website could’ve been shut down; after all it is hosted in Texas. So, y’know, I don’t need to break bullshit laws in Texas. I’m currently reading more into these laws and trying to figure out how I can discuss why I can’t publish that specific post. If I had the money to challenge the state of Texas I would 100% risk the article. I just can’t financially support protecting our first amendment right. If anything I’d bungle it and we’d lose more freedoms. Alright, let’s bitch about Christmas now.
It’s amazing how annoying people can make you go from not giving a shit about a cause to actively rooting for the cause to lose. In fact, it almost seems like if you want people to be against something you should start an annoying cause. *Cough* Just Stop Oil. *Cough* Oh but that’s just for liberal cucks, right? You strong conservatives never cry about oppression, cultural appropriation, or start annoying causes! Right? Why are you trying to act like y’all don’t bitch about the war on Christmas. Every. Single. Fucking. Year. The people who cry about the war on Christmas use the same exact tactics that they accuse the “secular liberal socialists” of using. What’s funny to me is everyone, including the so-called secularists, ignores the fact that Christmas started this shit. Since I was a teen I noticed Christmas decorations, songs, deals, and more were going up earlier and earlier. Ignoring other cultural holidays, and even national holidays. This is where people always want to interject that I am viewing this from an American lens, but where the fuck do you think this whole shit started? Where do you think most of the war on Christmas movement is? It’s in the US and the UK has to deal with the stupid shit we invented. Consider it payback for giving us the anti-vax movement. This isn’t going to be a piece on debunking the war on Christmas. No. It’s instead going to explain how y’all acting like the liberal cucks you claim to be better than has created an actual war on Christmas, and I’m all fucking for it. Stay in your lane, Cuckmas.
This shit’s personal
When I was a child we had a lot of holidays around the end of the year. We had Halloween in October, Thanksgiving in November, and Christmas in December. In the second grade my school started to introduce us to other holidays like Ramadan, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and a few others that I no longer remember. We actually did festivals for these in school, and this was my favorite time to be at school. At some point it reverted to being only about Christmas again, and I no longer wanted to be at school. I really can’t stress how much I hate Christmas music, and how much I hate singing Christmas carols. This is why I loved Jr High and High School. There were no forced Christmas celebrations. Before you try to say that my school was Christian, and therefore should focus on Christmas, that’s not true. We had Muslims, Hindis, Jews, and people who celebrated Kwanzaa. These people didn’t have to participate in our Christmas events, but it did mark them with a scarlet letter. Since they no longer had to participate in Christmas they also lost their celebrations. I watched as some of my friends could no longer talk about their culture. They lost that joy and felt isolated. Whenever we did Christmas activities in class they would be forced into a corner by themselves, or moved to an empty classroom with the other students who didn’t celebrate Christmas. They got to play board games, or have personal computer time, and all of the students noticed. While we were making our stockings each table was talking about how weird they were and questioning why they refused to celebrate Christmas. At school we would say “Merry Christmas!” as a greeting/goodbye. They didn’t know how to answer because they didn’t celebrate it. The school ultimately landed on “Happy Holidays”/”Season Greetings” but even in the 90s there were parents who complained about these normal ass seasonal greetings. Now when I see my former classmates whose parents complained about these greetings on FB you can guess the type of shit they spout every year around this time. Yep, stupid shit about the secularists trying to ban Christmas.
When I was in either Jr High, or Freshman year of high school, someone pointed out to me that Christmas ads were starting really early. Like the day of Thanksgiving early. When the ads normally started on December 1st. I thought they were crazy, because I just played video games on Thanksgiving so I never saw the ads, but I hit up a Harvest Moon forum I frequented and asked if anyone else noticed this. Everyone who was American commented and said they too saw this in their respective areas. Some commented that they had seen Christmas ads a day or two before Thanksgiving and assumed it was a scheduling mishap. I then asked in the IRC chats I frequented and they confirmed the same thing. This started a conversation on both services. I then moved from forum to forum asking this question. Each time the same responses and discussions popped up. Sometimes arguments broke out and sometimes people just commented that it was weird, this was the approach I took. However, slowly as the years went on I noticed Christmas started to overtake Thanksgiving. I was hearing Christmas music in November, weeks before Thanksgiving. Stores would hang up Christmas decorations instead of Thanksgiving decorations. At the same time I noticed an online discourse about Christmas overthrowing Thanksgiving was popping up, usually in a joking way. In the 2010s I noticed the discussions started to become less jokey and more serious. People missed seeing all the brown, red, yellow, and orange decorations. They missed seeing all the turkeys and pilgrim hats that people used to display. They missed Thanksgiving and noticed Christmas was trying to step into October.
Nowadays people will openly admit that Christmas has taken over Thanksgiving. Every year, for the past 7 years, I have friends who post memes that say, “If I see you putting up Christmas decorations the day after Halloween I better not see you celebrating Thanksgiving.” First it was a minority but now it’s what I see almost everyday in November. I’ll see it in October too, between Halloween posts, but the memes have overtaken my feeds in November. In fact, I see more people bitching about Christmas in November than I do Thanksgiving posts. Which is starting to get annoying. Post pictures of your Thanksgiving decorations and boo people who have Christmas stuff up. SHOW ME YOUR THANKSGIVING SPIRIT! FUCK! Don’t be a slacktivist over losing a holiday. This is the war that Christmas has started and it’s why I do not deny there being a war on Christmas. By the time December rolls around people are sick and fucking tired of Christmas. Randomly stores will try to set up Christmas shit in October until they rightfully get shit for it and take it all down. While I was still living in the US there were stores that started to play Christmas music in the middle of fucking October. I would lose my favorite radio station every fucking year at 4 AM on November 1st for the past 9 fucking years. I’m sick and fucking tired of Christmas not staying in its fucking lane.
Whenever you bring this up people will always go, “Oh but I love Christmas music.” So? I like thrash metal but I don’t expect every fucking store to start playing Municipal Waste while people are shopping. I don’t expect major radio stations to switch from their regularly scheduled programming to start playing 24/7 GWAR. Just because you love Christmas music doesn’t mean others do. Especially when we have to hear the same 15 songs everywhere we go and everywhere on TV. One time I went to the mall and they were playing “Here Comes Santa Claus”. I enter one of the stores and it is playing the same song, but louder. This store had an exit to the parking lot so I left, after buying what I needed, and went to Target. Can you guess what Target was playing? If you guessed “Here Comes Santa Claus” then you win! I grabbed what I needed and left. After this I decided to go to a bookstore and upon entering I heard it again. Now, I stayed there long enough for the songs to cycle but when I went to the McDonald’s that was next to the book store I was greeted to “Here Comes Santa Claus” for the final time that day. Oh and if any store is playing that Mirrah Carrey Christmas album I just walk the fuck out. I can no longer support any business playing it after I had a week where every store and fast food joint was playing that shitty ass CD, exclusively on repeat. Again for you, “But I love Christmas music!” people. Just imagine going to every store playing the songs you hate the most. Be it rap, death metal, noise punk, pop punk, thrash metal, hip hop, EDM, smooth jazz, etc. This is what those of us who hate Christmas music have to deal with every year while we sometimes lose the radio stations we listen to. That’s not even getting into the people who don’t celebrate Christmas being forced to listen to these songs. Christmas music should only be in December and I will argue even further they should only be played during the week of Christmas. If you want this war on Christmas to end then stop shoving it down our throats.
The true appropriators
It’s impossible to talk about the subject of the war on Christmas without mentioning the grifts that happen every year. Christmas has turned into a conservative culture war where they bitch and moan just like the people on Tumblr. If you ever listen to Alex Jones or PragerU talk about this subject you will hear them say, “cultural appropriation” in regards to people saying “Happy holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”. It’s not even cultural appropriation if people say “Happy holidays” on Christmas while at a Christmas event. What is cultural appropriation is when KFC went to Japan and lied to every Japanese person that Americans order KFC buckets for Christmas. Turning the celebration of Christ, and your family, into an event that’s about eating a shit ton of the worst fried chicken ever made. Another form of cultural appropriation with Christmas is when people in China give apples for Christmas. I do not know why, or how, that tradition started but it is a Christmas tradition here. These cultures are extremely far from a Judeo Christian culture and instead of trying to honestly partake in the traditions of Christmas they are doing their own thing. What you retarded cuckservatives need to understand is the refusal to say “Merry Christmas!” isn’t cultural appropriation but closer to cultural denialism. It’s still not even that because no one gives a shit if you celebrate Christmas. We just don’t want that shit shoved down our throats every day for a month, never mind two. However, y’all deny other cultures that have holidays around this time when you bitch about people saying, “Season greetings” or “Happy holidays”. I know you don’t give a shit about that, but y’all like to act like you’re morally superior while also acting like cry babies every year around this time
Speaking of acting like you’re morally superior to others: let’s talk about how you appropriated Christmas and ruined it! Before you even try to defend yourselves from this statement: No, shut the fuck up. Christmas isn’t supposed to be a consumerist holiday. In fact, Christmas has been ruined by corporations and consumerism to such a point that the modern day version of Santa exists because Coca-cola invented him! By the way, CNN’s 1996 website is peak web design and I love it. Before I read this article I had no idea that Rudolph was created solely for advertising purposes. Everything we know about Christmas now has been ruined and appropriated by corporations to turn all of us into little pay piggies. Christmas used to be about making gifts for your family to show them how much you love and care for them. Nowadays people just buy a bunch of shit and then get mad when others don’t want to celebrate this false representation of Christianity. There is a movement by a priest in Ireland to get rid of Christmas. Christ has long since been removed from Christmas. Coca-cola killed Christ in Christmas and all of you cuckservatives who cry every year about keeping Christ in Christmas lost that shit before y’all were ever born. Here’s an article that goes over how the entire Italian Catholic clergy hates Santa Claus for that exact reason. Real Christians have long since been tired of Christmas. For those that say my sources are too liberal, or spread the socialist secular agenda, here’s some Fox News for you! By the way, Fox News, your website barely works and CNN’s website from 1996 functions better than your current website. You’ll notice here that this priest is calling for people to focus on the family and personal aspects of Christmas, not the commercialism. However, most people only know about the commercialism aspect of Christmas. Let’s not forget about that time in 2012 when a priest told Fox news they’re war on Christmas was silly. Religious leaders have been fighting the commercialism of Christmas for a long time now. They don’t care when people say “Happy holidays” or “Season greetings”. What they care about is the real meaning of Christmas. This is something you cultural appropriators don’t understand because your grifts rely on the appropriation of Christmas.
See, I used not really give a shit about the war on Christmas shit until these grifters popped up. Well, them and the customers at Domino’s who used to threaten to have my job if I didn’t say “Merry Christmas”. Spoiler alert: That shit never worked. I just want people to be able to celebrate their customs, but fake Christian grifters ruined that for everyone. They cried and acted like they were being suppressed because others wanted to be able to express their religious rights too. They stomped their feet and threw massive hissy fits because they needed to acknowledge that other cultures exist. The funny part is that their understanding of Christmas is one invented by Coca-cola. A company they claim to hate because they’re “woke”. If Coca-cola wants to make Santa a non-binary trans xir they can because they created the character, and it would be hilarious if they did this. They invented the Christmas we know and celebrate. Go and protest for the spirit of a corporation instead of Christ. Give Coca-cola more power over your religious holiday while people like PragerU and Alex Jones rake in mad money defending a tradition invented by a company whose goal was to overwrite the true meaning of Christmas. A company you claim to hate. If these people were true Christians they wouldn’t be living in huge houses with tons of expensive clothes and watches. They would instead donate that money to churches around the world. They’d use that money to help spread the message of Christ. However, Dennis, the creator of PragerU, and Alex would rather pretend to spread the message of Christ to scam you. They get to upload videos pretending to spread the message of Christ when they aren’t. If anything the messages they spread are antithetical to the message of Christ. You’ll notice that their net worths have gone up while churches are still struggling. The Christian thing to do would be to donate that money, especially on Christmas. Jesus lived a modest life and cared for others. Something these Christmas grifters fail to do.
These people need the war on Christmas to exist. They need you to spend money to defend a holiday that was ruined by Coca-cola. Meanwhile actual priests want us to take the holiday back. For it to no longer be a two month long sale. These priests want Christmas to be a two day event where you spend time with your family and become closer with your neighbors. They want the spirit of Christ back in Christmas and the spirit of Coca-cola out of Christmas. I’m not saying you can’t get gifts for your loved ones, you could try making them something, but there’s nothing wrong with buying your loved ones a gift. What I am suggesting is to remove the commercialism from Christmas. Don’t force that shit down our throats for 2 months and focus on spending money/buying stupid shit. Don’t go spending $5k on Christmas. Buy, or make, like one or three gifts. Then spend the day with friends, neighbors, and your loved ones. Reclaim the spirit of Christ that has long since been removed from Christmas, before any of us were born. This is what my wife and I do. We will spend the day together and I will cook dinner for us. We’ll exchange two gifts, watch a movie, go out to walk around, and greet any of her friends/co-workers we see. Sure, it’s small but it’s nice. I also feel this better captures the spirit of Christmas compared to what has become back home. If this was the norm then maybe you wouldn’t have Reddit Atheists trying to display Satanic statues as an edgy joke every fucking year. Which is also annoying.
Well, it’s time to go back to the bunker. I can hear the silver bells coming. Santa and his generals, Dennis and Alex, like to taunt us of our impending doom. The bells from those sleighs aren’t there to warn us of the incoming bombs. They’re there to warn us that the men fighting next to us today won’t be serving with us tomorrow. This sounds like it will be a massive push too. I can hear the ho ho ho’s bellowing across the battlefield. Santa never leaves the safety Coca-cola offers him unless it’s to send a message. Should it be my time then this will be my final letter to you, my beloved, just know I died defending our religious customs from a soda corporation. Should I return I will never forget the sound an elf makes whilst it is on fire. Their hauntingly unforgettable screams, but the sweet smell of roasted chestnuts. The battlefield changes a man.
Yours Truly,
Pvt. Joshua
PS: If you can shoot a reindeer down they make for a nice meal. Keep this in mind next time Santa comes to town. Be careful because sometimes they explode.